August 23, 2011 I began Pre-PA school. What began as an exciting journey quickly, and I mean very quickly turned into one of the hardest phases of my life. Notice I said “one of the hardest” and yes, it’s only “Pre”-PA school. Harder times will come… Ill be ready this time. On December 7, 2011 I completed my first semester of Anatomy and Physiology. I’m not sure what I expected in terms of difficulty but I know it’s not what I encountered. I did expect to get my school-brain back a little sooner than I did, I did expect to comprehend a brand new language almost immediately. I felt like my love for the subject would override the fact that I hadn’t taken let alone thought about how a cell works since 2003 and I believed my enthusiasm and positive outlook would win me some type of, oh I don’t know, favor with my professor. What I found was scrapping the cobwebs off my school brain required a Dyson not a cute little hand-held brush and dust pan, new languages take time to learn. It’s unfair and ridiculous to feel you can learn them “immediately”. Love don’t mean a damn thing, and belief, enthusiasm, and a positive outlook don’t work well in isolation. Each is to be paired with, in my case, class participation, details details details, especially on open-ended questions and a whole lot of manning up. What my professor expected of me was excellence and what I gave her is what I gave all my professors: a lot of hard work behind the scenes and notsomuch interaction in the class room. I’m kind of shy at first.
Therefore, this is what I’ve learned about myself in the last four months.
- I fail at listening to my own instinct. Almost always this semester when I felt I should have done something and didn’t, the results varied tremendously and had I done what I was initially feeling I should, things would have turned out better. In other words, Kameaka, do what you feel is best for you, period.
- I am capable of making new friends…. And it’s fun! In other words, Kameaka, always meet new people.
- I married the right man, at the right time, for this very reason: God knew this time would come and that I would need someone who could come to me in my time of need and talk to me in a way that would get my attention. In other words, Kameaka, your man rocks!
- I have chosen a very difficult road to walk. Difficult but not impossible. I can do this and the fact that I’ve come this far with so little means I’ve truly found what fulfills me. Despite the disappointment I keep going back, despite the difficulty I keep going back, it’s like I’m in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship and I don’t want to get out. In other words, Kameaka, your drive rocks. 
Over Winter break my plan is to do some leisurely reading and also prepare myself for the first section I will study next semester, the Cardiovascular system. This is especially exciting because I believe I’d like to specialize here. In addition, cleaning my home, spending some much needs time with my husband, and hugging myself…. Hugging myself a lot.
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